A letter about what’s been happening

 

To be honest this week has been a bit of a mess.

Last week I was so on top of everything, I managed to balance writing with everyday life. I was sticking to my routine exercising, housework, parenting, writing, meditating, ticking off everything on my to do list and even drinking my 8 glasses of water per day. I was crushing it.

But this week, oh boy it’s been the opposite. I dropped every single ball, including balls I weren’t even juggling in the first place. Then when I tried to pick them up again, they bounced off the ground and hit me in the face. So I ended up getting frustrated and angry at myself, grumpy at everyone around me and then just threw them all up in the air and decided it wasn’t going to happen this week.

At first I felt guilty about resetting everything, I wanted to go back to last week. I chastised myself, telling myself that I am just a big fat lazy procrastinator. But when I heard my inner critic, I realized how mean I was being to myself. So I took a moment to reset. I know not everyday is going to be a good one, there are always going to be frustrations but there is no need to blame myself. Often we are terribly mean to ourselves. So I’m cutting this girl a break. I don’t want to stress myself out.

I already know that procrastination is more about fear of success and self sabotage rather than laziness. So I’m realizing that fear and deciding to push on despite it. Why? Because I know there is going to be something worthwhile on the other side.

So I chilled out for a few days, because I’m lucky I have the time and space to do so right now. I kept up with the regular things like housework and cooking but I watched some Netflix, read a little more than usual, got outside every day and put together a new music playlist. And slowly but surely I felt better about myself. I filled up the creative well, read a few inspiring newsletters, a couple of TED talks and followed some new artists on Instagram.

I think what had made me go off the rails, is that I was putting too much pressure on myself, obsessing with my to-do list and not giving myself time to rest. Last year I was on the road to some major burn out. I heap so much work and expectations onto myself that I cannot possibly maintain. It’s the obsessive workaholic perfectionist control freak inside of me. I need to give myself space to breathe, think and reflect otherwise I’m just going to freeze up totally.

So let’s take a big deep breath together, pace ourselves, take breaks when we need them and keep working on ourselves. Hopefully this time the lesson has been learnt. Next week will be better.

What do you to when things get overwhelming? Any hints on how you get back on track?

I hate to be long-winded, so I will stop here for now.

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Speak again soon.

With love and light